What Doesn’t Break Your Heart Makes You Stronger
The origin of “What Doesn’t Kill You, Makes You Stronger“
This line has been popularized and quoted in many ways and contexts – in books, songs, films, etc. The more popular and familiar ones are from artists Kelly Clarkson and Kanye West. In the movie The Dark Knight (Batman), the Joker playfully distorted it a little bit: “I believe whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you stranger.”
But what is its origin? And what was its original meaning and context?
A German Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche (Oct. 15, 1844 – August 25, 1900) wrote a book of aphorisms titled “Twilight of the Idols”. In this book, he wrote “Aus der Kriegsschule des Lebens. Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich starker.” This was translated as, “Out of life’s school of war, what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.”
What it does not necessarily mean.
But Nietzsche himself never explained the phrase in exact context, leading many other philosophers to decipher it. For example, it says that Nietzsche did not mean to say that all sufferings in life result in strength in character. Or, to add a religious tone to it, Nietzsche did not advocate that all pain and sufferings lead to Calvary. Meaning, that they do not necessarily lead to salvation.
What it most probably means
Modern philosophers take Nietzsche’s phrase to mean that pain and suffering are opportunities. Opportunities to build one’s character, to make it stronger. Or challenges that lead to heartbreak or destruction of one’s soul and spirit. This means pain and suffering can result in extremes. They either make people stronger or weaker than before undergoing them.
The Awesome Bloggers
A month ago, I got invited to a Facebook chat group called the Awesome Bloggers. It has 6.6k members. Although I would receive many similar invitations, this one caught my curiosity and I decided to sign up. The first time I “entered the room”, I stayed quiet and just observed. These are the things that I have gathered so far: many of the members have been together for more than ten years, the group is composed mostly of women, and majority are based in the US, Canada, and the UK. A few from Europe.
Topics of discussion
There are new members who are novice in blogging just like me. So, naturally their concerns and questions are about tips and advice on how to keep going. There are also those who are so excited to launch their blog sites but got bogged down by some issues. But mostly, what dominates the conversation are the concerns from the veterans themselves. And these are the ones who have been blogging for years. Judging from their sites that I visited, there’s no doubt these are professionals in blogging. Not to mention their active presence on so many other social media platforms, especially Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.
Topic that stood out for me
I have noticed for the past few days that there is a common thread in the conversation. Many of them say they took a sabbatical from blogging during the pandemic years, and they want to return to being active in blogging. Others are returning after feeling exhausted and disillusioned from years of wandering between the overcrowded and dizzying atmosphere on Instagram, YouTube, and/or Facebook. Now they – the returning blog veterans – are seeking some tips from the newbies and the holdouts for some new things that are happening in blogging.
For example, from Cat: “Hey everyone! I’ve had my blog for years, but life put it on hold for a few years, but I’ve been trying to get back at it. Instagram has been awful lately, so I’ve been trying to post stuff on Facebook a lot more. I share travel related content and some fashion stuff on my blog.” And she proceeded to post a link to her blog site.
The post that drew me in
I was following the long thread of conversation until it got so late at night. And there were around 6 participants left in the room. The last comment I saw was a post from someone with a handle “Lyn”. When I read her post, something in my heart told me that it was time for me to pitch in. I was not sure how the room would react; I just hoped that nobody in the room would misconstrue my comment. Lyn posted: “Loving the community feel of this group. I started my blog in 2014 and Covid kind of put it on hold. Advice please whether you feel it’s worth resurrecting again?”
Then she posted the link to her to-be-resurrected blog site, A Hole In My Shoe. It had been a travel blog, and I found it so cute and nostalgic.
Back to the most basic
“Great question, Lyn.” I began. “For someone like me who just started, the question is whether it is worth starting at all (insert an angel emoji). But I always go back to the most basic. Mine is: I love to write. And I hope I get to share it to more people.”
Immediately, Lyn reacted with a red heart. And followed by several likes. My confidence needle moved up a little bit, I decided to make a follow up.
“That’s the only thing that I believe will keep me going. The only thing I have control of. And the rest I just have to accept whatever happened.” Same thumbs came up. Then I left the room and called it a night.
Wherever we are our resolve is always put to the test
Observing the veteran bloggers sharing their own experiences and challenges, remind me of the most basic truth. Wherever we are, whatever we do, we always encounter challenges and obstacles. This is where the “opportunities” that philosopher Nietzsche probably had in mind makes sense.
The impasse we encounter in life
To put it another way, we constantly encounter some kind of consequential events in our daily life. Sometimes they appear as minor occurrences, other times we meet them in big moments where we feel we are at the crossroads. There are three choices we must make, turn left, turn right, or stay put. Staying put is when an impasse happens. There is paralysis. No wonder, some in the Awesome Bloggers would share this kind of experience. They want to go on but there is a feeling of paralysis.
What makes our heart tick?
I believe this is where Nietzsche’s thoughts would come in. It is all about choice. Should we use the impasse as an opportunity for more strength, or a dead end for capitulation? This depends on what is in our heart. What makes our heart beat? Or what makes it tick? Finding this is the key to rediscovering the very source of our inner strength. This is the hidden truth to Nietzsche’s phrase “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.”
The secret to Nietzsche’s wise words
In his autobiography titled Ecce Homo, Nietzsche allows us to dig deeper into the wisdom behind that phrase. “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger”, refers to a person who is already strong enough to face trials and suffering head on. And emerging victorious from it, that person becomes stronger. The initial strength is already there. One just needs to unleash it.
The hole in our heart
The reason we are inherently strong is because our heart is always restless. It never stops searching. Maybe the Creator designed it that way. We are meant to be wandering creatures; we never stop learning; we do not remain complacent about whatever we have achieved. Life is a constant discovery. It is because there is something missing in our heart. There is a hole in our heart.
A story of the hole in our heart
This reminds me of my experience when I attended a lecture on the anatomy and physiology of the human heart many years ago. And among the many amazing things about it is the tiny hole of the fetal heart called foramen ovale. It allows blood to enter the left atrium from the right atrium, which means mixing the oxygenated blood with the de-oxygenated blood. This can only mean one thing: death!
But since the fetus’ lungs do not function yet while the mother does the breathing for it, that tiny hole doesn’t pose any danger to its life. At birth, when the lungs become functional, the foramen ovale closes, leaving a remnant called fossa ovalis.
But why is there a hole in the first place, only to be closed later? Well, it is just part of the many wonders of the human body!
A sweet little story of Bill and Steve
During that lecture I smiled to myself. Because a short story flashed in my mind. I forgot where and from whom I heard this child-like story. To make it more relatable and familiar, I choose to feature Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. Here it goes:
Long before Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, there was Bill and Steve.
The friendship
Bill and Steve had a unique friendship: they considered themselves the best and the brightest in all of humankind. Naturally, each one considered the other as the only worthy opponent alive. As the two tried to outdo one another, humankind became the captivated spectator, eagerly devouring all the amazing technological products that were endlessly pouring out of the minds of the two geniuses. Soon the whole world lived, breathed, and moved according to the wishes of Bill and Steve. Their wealth, fame, and exceptional intellectual ability became unprecedented in human history. But their hearts remained restless as ever.
The end of friendship
Steve died. Bill was sad, only because no one could take the place of his worthy opponent.
The reunion
It was sometime in May of 2021, and Bill and Melinda had just announced the end to their 27 years of marriage. Like most divorces, this was tragic for all involved.
One starry night as Bill was walking along the lonely Alki beach in Seattle, Steve appeared. They hugged each other and without a single word being said, the two sat in the sand staring at the dark and empty horizon. Feeling the sadness in his friend’s heart, Steve began to tell Bill a story.
The restless heart
“The moment we were conceived inside the womb of our mother, our loving Creator took a gentle bite off our heart. That tiny piece of our heart He kept to Himself. This was to make sure that we would not be lost on our way back to Him. Upon our return to our true home with Him, that tiny piece will be handed back and our heart will be whole again. Thus, our heart will always be restless in this present world. Because it is not complete.
Restless heart is a wandering heart
“We think that true happiness can be found in this present world. That is why we keep pursuing after material things, to the point where we are willing to sell our dignity and decency, offer ourselves to be used by others even as we cruelly use others just to achieve our ambitions; no matter how noble we believe they may be. But true happiness is not in them.
There is never enough in this world
“Do not be surprised by this truth. No matter how much you love your spouse and how much you are loved in return, there will always be something lacking in your heart. Regardless how precious your adorable children are to your eyes, that you are even willing to give your very life for them, if necessary, one day you will realize that your heart is still empty.
The heart never stops until it becomes whole again
“It is because true happiness can only be found when your heart is finally whole. And that is something you must always look forward to – when your wounded heart has finally reunited with that tiny piece that He kept near His own heart.
Love what you have, but there is more
“Meanwhile, go back to your family and tell them once more how much you love them. Call your friends and tell them how much they mean to you. And go, continue the good deeds that you have started. Help the poor and the downtrodden. Continue to advocate for peace and justice. Live an honest life. Never sell your soul and good principles. Be the person who is loving and willing to be loved. Being a loving person, it is easy for others to love you in return. And when your wounded heart and its tiny piece finally meet each other, they will no longer feel like strangers to each other.”
The earthly peace
Bill went home so at peace. He had a heart-to-heart talk with his lovely and loving ex-wife. And opened his heart without any reservation. Most importantly, he renewed his love for his family, notwithstanding the separation. He even confessed to whatever was left to confess.
The next day, he once again traveled around the world – looking for the poor to give back their dignity. His wounded heart began beating its most beautiful rhythm for the first time in his life that night. Bill had never felt so at peace in his whole life.
Yes, we are strong. It is because we have a restless heart. And restless hearts are brave and strong.
What about you? What makes your heart tick? Do you feel your inner strength?
