Face Death And Love Life!
Birth and Death
“As soon as we are born, we are old enough to die.”
This timeless quote is from a German philosopher, Martin Heidegger, one of the most infuential thinkers of the 20th century. I will never forget those words, which I first encountered in my Philosophy course so many years ago. Although the statement can have a deeper meaning in philosophy, one may take liberty of understanding it literally. Its message is obvious, we mortals are destined to die. And if we deny this very simple truth then we have a very big fundamental problem in life. At least from the perspective of financial planning.
Death is included in the Affairs With The Mammon
This post is about financial matters, or wealth management – hence, “Affairs With The Mammon“. So, you may be wondering why I am starting with death. I have been a financial advisor for almost eight years.
I hold a CLU (Chartered Life Underwriter) designation. This designation is “Canada’s premier wealth transfer and estate planning designation …an advanced designation that expands on the knowledge gained in the (Certified Financial Planner) education program … in the unique position of helping Canadians build and preserve wealth.” (Advocis)
Personal reality vs Existential reality
Those are eyebrow-raising descriptions of my designation. I display them in length not as a boast. It is to show you how powerless they can be in the face of one simple human phenomenon: personal reality vs existential reality. In the years that I have been helping Canadians with their financial plans, there is one thing that continues to greatly amaze me. And it is the power of the human mind to create its own reality. This surfaces when people I meet become very uncomfortable when the topic on death pops up in the conversation. Death is an existential reality. There is no denying that it is inevitable; it is a question of when, not if. However, no matter how our culture – even religion – teaches us that there is peace in embracing the inescapable truth of death as existential reality, an individual person’s decision-making faculty is highly influenced by his own created reality.
Human gift of imagination
Jacob Bronowski was a Polish-British mathematician and philosopher who is known for giving a humanistic touch to science. He popularized the notion that what sets humans apart from other animals is the human gift of imagination. He states that, yes, seeing is believing, yet seeing is also imagining.
We individuals have unique and personal experiences of death. Therefore, we form unique and personal imagination of death, too. Some are more comfortable talking about it, others struggle to even think of it.
Affairs with the mammon is very important
Here is where it becomes very important to financial advisors like me. People come to us for our skills and knowledge in helping them put their financial house in order. This undertaking takes a lot of careful analysis and involves a lot of consideration. It demands serious allocation of time and energy. Depending on the simplicity or complexity of one’s situation, it may take weeks or months to set up a well-designed financial plan. But most importantly, it takes a lot of mutual trust and confidence. Advisors gather as much information as possible, some very personal and sensitive. Clients, too, ask even uncomfortable questions.
One’s values are displayed inconspicuously
What most people are not aware of is that when advisors visit them at their own place everything observed has a meaning. It says something about its occupants. For example, your pets, the kind of pets, the color and design of the living room curtain, the type and arrangement of furniture, the presence or absence of family photos on the walls. I mean anything and everything, a keen advisor has to absorb all these – quick and fast. If seeing is also imagining, then what is observed inside the private surroundings can guide the advisor’s imagination. It fills the gaps in the spoken words.
Uncomfortable questions that need to be asked
I’ve never encountered someone who tells me as soon as the first meeting commenced: we need to talk about death. No, never. Which is how it should be. So, we talk about financial matters that relate to the living: savings, investments, taxation, wealth transfer strategy, children’s college education fund, retirement, risk management like insurance, etc. Building a plan is easy, but discussing the unknowns that might derail such a plan is sometimes tricky. This is where some sensitive topics come in. And the advisor must be very extra careful and show a high degree of empathy. What happens when pre-mature death occurs? Are you aware of the financial costs if serious illness and disability happen? What if there is a breakdown of marriage down the road? What are the chances that your children – close as they appear today – may end up in a court battle over the inequitable and unfair distribution of inheritance?
Denial of reality is never a good strategy
I had a client once who displayed displeasure when I asked them a simple question. We understand it is your spouse who is the sole beneficiary of everything we have set up, correct? So, how should we designate them, revocable or irrevocable? After I reviewed with them the salient differences between the two, I gave an example of a breakdown in their marriage: divorce. “No. Please, let us not even go there. Nobody enters a marriage with divorce at the back of their minds.” Which is a true statement. But the reality is that it can happen to any marriage. Personal reality vs existential reality. But who am I to contradict a well-meaning client? All I needed to do was to produce an extra document for them to sign showing their informed decision. Done. And we were not even discussing at length about death yet.
Culture and religion teach us to embrace death
Death can be the most unpleasant topic of conversation for many of us who belong to the “modern” era. If we revisit the different cultures around the world, we can see the various ways people view death. It is also common that in one culture there are several sub-cultures within, which makes the parent culture more diversely unique. And although no culture may escape gradual changes and shifts brought about by modern life’s influence, there are common themes regarding death that are not easily altered: belief in the afterlife, reincarnation, spirit of the deceased, respect for the dead, responsibilities of the loved ones left behind. But no matter how one culture celebrates death to make it less unpleasant, one fact remains – talk of death is still taboo in many countries.
Financial literacy can also be literacy on life and death
As a financial advisor it has always been my wish that I only encounter would-be clients who are very open to talk about life as well as death, or other life-altering events that could have a huge impact on their financial well-being. But that wish is not always granted. And I do not, ever, judge people who are not comfortable discussing about death. After all, it took the death of my beloved father for me to have a healthier imagining on death.
But it is also my duty to be a diligent financial advisor. And it means raising up topics that include those some find awkward and uneasy to talk about. And try my best, utilizing the professional knowledge and skills learned, to make these unpleasant topics less of a taboo.
To me nothing makes life more worthy to live for than to appreciate death. It is only through the realization that death is inevitable that you value life more. And do everything in your power to make it more secure and comfortable. A good financial advisor is only successful if both sides of the same human existential reality are covered: life and death.
Japanese culture on death
I have read in some literature something about Japan, at least in parts still very much influenced by Confucianism. As soon as a young child is believed to be capable of creating imagination, death is taught. It can be through symbols, words, actions. And that when a person dies, they are partially cremated (with bones intact). The remains respectfully placed in an ornate grave that was “purchased for them by their parents when they were born”.
That is the best example of Affairs With The Mammon. Prepare for the inevitable.
“As soon as we are born, we are old enough to die.” Let us listen to Heidegger expounding that quote: “If I take death into my life, acknowledge it, and face it squarely, I will free myself from the anxiety of death and the pettiness of life – and only then will I be free to become myself.”
“Only then will I be free to become myself.” My simple take on this statement is that we can only be authentic to our present life if we are able to “resolutely anticipate death”. We cannot fully prepare for something we refuse to accept that it exists in the first place.
Face death and love life!
