More Readers’ Perspectives: On Mother’s Love, Self-Love, Selfishness, & LGBTQ2S+
Barrie from France
I would like to comment on your article about growing into a healthy self-love. It is my opinion that the number one hurdle of that is when we are comparing our self to others. This, to me, is the greatest enemy of a healthy self-love.
You see here, when I compare myself with my neighbor, I am like walking on a very tight rope. I either find myself superior to them, or inferior. It is that simple.
Am I Superior?
If I am superior to them, I will think of myself as deserving more. I mean, even my own love does not satisfy my own self. It is because it is deserving more love, more than my own love. This is bad. If my own love cannot make myself happy, who can love myself enough?
This is where more problems come in. I seek that love outside myself. I look for it anywhere and everywhere. And you are right. That is the reason we love social media so much. We can build our own fantasy. We believe many people love us just because we have garnered thousands of friends, followers, likes, and subscribers. But, again, this is fantasy.
Am I Inferior?
On the other hand, if I find myself less deserving of even my own love, I become so pathetic. As you gathered, it is not a great sign of self-love if we make our self an object of pity of other people.
If my self is not happy with my own love because it feels not worthy of any love, who can love it enough? It is a very sad life. Is it not?
Maybe this is the reason even marriages that start strongly end up badly. One partner, for example, has found their self-love deteriorating because of lack of attention from the other. Then it spirals downward.
So, I think comparison with others is not a good idea. Being grateful for what we have is an old adage. And it is still applicable all this time.
Sandra from Canada
Hello. This is to your published blog on your question to the LGBTQIA+ community. I prefer simply LGBTQ.
I do not pretty much agree with your assertion that the group has nothing more to show other than the Pride parade. No. Not even close. We do have sustainable activities and programs that run the whole year through.
According to a latest survey, there are one million people in Canada who call themselves belonging to this group.
We have, like, Meetup Groups, Social Groups, Hanging Out, and other community involvement. They are just a click away.
But I agree with you on many levels.
There are two simple things that continue to bug local LGBTQ. One is the lack of united focus. What I mean by this is that, the group as a whole is still a loose umbrella composed of many independent groups around the country.
This is a huge challenge. You must acknowledge that this is a movement spearheaded by very talented leaders. Most often they are artists. And one thing about artists is that they are stubbornly independent-minded. And this can become a heavy baggage. Each one’s idea is the best.
Another one is the constant threat of being co-opted by the corporate world. And this cannot be avoided since everything needs funding. Just one example is the Pride parade. Pride Toronto has had to shell out twice as much money on security during the parade than it did in 2022.
Being too corporatized puts the focus on social change at risk. But you are also right. We have come a long way. The work at hand is endless. This is especially true in today’s hostile environment.
Thanks for the feature, by the way.
Essie from the US
It’s been a while since I opened your newer blogs. But it does not mean I’ve lost interest in following you. As a matter of fact, when I go through my email to see what’s new, I was glad to see you’ve been consistently writing about so many topics of interest.
You’ve gone a long way to succeed and will definitely go farther in creating a long list of followers around the world.
On Mother’s Love
I just read your wonderful and touching tribute to your mother and I can’t help but feel so envious of the way you described your mom, especially in terms of bringing you all up and her relationship with all her 9 children.
My sisters and I, we never experienced any of that since our mom died when we were very young. I was the only one left in her care until she passed away when I was 5. My middle sister was already in the care of my maternal grandparents; the youngest, to my dad’s sister who was barren at the time.
From what we were told, our mother was not strong enough to care for 3 kids, plus there were marital issues involved. I was lucky to have been with her even for a very short time and at 5, I was told I had a very good memory.
The Longings
And so, I remember some things about her and how I felt especially loved by both parents, not realizing at my young age, the tempest brewing within our family. We grew up missing a mother’s love and care. When I was young, I dreamt of her, cried in my sleep, needing her comfort, thinking of what could have been, had she lived to see us all grow up. There was only a void of nothingness.
Maybe it was destiny or maybe God’s plan. Who knows?
You are all indeed very fortunate to still have your mom around. I know you all love and care for her, and so I join you in thanking and applauding your older brother for taking care of her.
By the way, the “Mama” songs of Matt Monroe and Connie Francis pulled a familiar chord that tugged at the very strings of my heart, leaving me sad and lonely again for a mother’s love that was never meant to last. My only consolation was the thought, when I became a mother myself, that God truly has a plan for everyone.
I only hope and continue to pray that maybe our mother had finally found peace and happiness with our Creator.
WenF from the Philippines
This article broke my heart for you. It was totally cruel for your former co-worker to completely forget the kindness you showed him: 15 minutes of free ride for four months, enduring his toxic rants. I would have nominated you for sainthood for such selflessness. And I certainly would pray that I be spared from similar encounters.
I imagined that your co- worker was so deprived of love/ kindness that he does not know how to express or recognize it in his encounters with others. For how can he love his neighbors when he did not love himself first? You can’t give what you do not have.
The Golden Rule
The golden rule: Do unto others what you would have them do to you, may sound simple enough, but rather difficult to live every day. There are just some difficult people that do not deserve kindness.
Thank you for your four suggestions on how to deal with selfish people. They will require some mindfulness to apply them in my encounters. I will remind myself of your kindness when I encounter a selfish person.
Rather than dwell on my own personal experiences with a selfish boss who does not share his knowledge, or a relative who does not say thank you, or a team-mate who only wants the lead role, let me share instead the random acts of kindness/ generosity that I experienced in my neighborhood.
Random Acts Of Kindness
Just last week, I had a bad fit of coughing while on my morning walk. The cough was so bad that I was gasping for breath and my heart and head were pounding. A lady who was sweeping her front yard saw me clutching my chest. She ran to me and asked me what I needed. I motioned for drinking water. She hurried inside her house and brought me a glass of water and a fan. She even brought tissue paper to wipe off my sweat.
I couldn’t thank her enough when my coughing stopped, and my breathing stabilized. Helping a total stranger who was just passing by was so heartwarming.
More Acts Of Kindness
A month ago, our street sweeper knocked at our gate to bring me 2 bunches of ripe bananas which were given by a storekeeper from another street. Not wanting them to go to waste, she gave them to me. My family feasted on banana smoothie and banana waffles that weekend.
In one of my morning walks, I chanced upon a neighbor farmer who was cultivating a vacant lot. I saw him harvesting spinach. I asked if I could buy a bundle. He gave me two bundles for the price of 1.
On another day, I tripped while climbing over a low fence. I grazed my knee and had difficulty standing up. A man saw me and offered me a stool to sit on while I poured alcohol on my bleeding wound. He kept me company, offered to clean my wound and waited until he was sure I can walk back home.
We can all share something. A smile, a hug, an applause, a silent prayer, a sincere thank you. All without cost. Why choose selfishness?
Truly, the universe gives back what we bring out. May we fill our world with goodness so that there will be no room for selfishness. Smile and hug often, share the laughter, give a drink, keep company, say thank you…so many ways to stop being too preoccupied with our selves.
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